Ten Foods Toxic To Your Dog

Thanks to a long running Oreo campaign, we all know that chocolate is bad for dogs. But have you ever wondered what else is bad for your faithful companion? Some of these will surprise you.

• Alcohol
• Chocolate
• Garlic
• Green Potatoes
• Sugar
• Peach/Apricot Pits
• Onion
• Grapes/Raisins
• Mushroom
• Yeast Dough

The Art of Burping

Occasionally I get bored and to shake things up one afternoon, I laddishly announced to my unfortunate colleagues, "you know when you internally burp, sometimes it's like re-eating your meal all over again!" The girls groaned but being the curious cat that I am, it prompted further research.

Burping (also known as belching, ructus and eructation) is caused by the intake of air as you eat or drink and the subsequent need to expel it as gas. This expelled gas contains nitrogen, oxygen and stomach contents as the gastroesophageal junction does not produce a tight seal. So yes, ladies and gentleman by producing that internal burp, as opposed to vibrating your upper esophageal sphincter, you are indeed re-eating portions of your meal. Bon Appetit!

Cold Press Coffee

I was out at Pourboy Espresso yesterday when I spotted their cold press coffee brewing system. So what is it? Cold press coffee is a process of extraction using room temperature water over an extended period of time (usually 12 hours) and produces a sweeter coffee which is best consumed cold and black. It's absolutely amazing and I'm keen to include in a Tiramisu in the future.

Saving the Planet One Coffee at a Time

Though I am unashamed lover of Consumerism, I'm also a huge advocate of implementing common sense methods to be more environmentally friendly. This includes simple things like growing your own herbs, raising poultry, rehoming your unwanted preloved clothes and my latest thing, the KeepCup. My boss kindly gifted me one the day I started with my role and apart from pushing the brand, I'm pleased to say that I'm eliminating approximately 10.4kgs of landfill a year (that's if I purchased one beverage in a disposable cup a year) and saving myself a bit of money. It's a tad inconvenient that I have to drop into work to fetch it every time I want a coffee, but it's a small price to pay when you consider the following facts:

• Every year 500 billion disposable cups are manufactured globally which equates to 75 disposable cups per person on the planet.
  
  
• If your cup is made Styrofoam it will still be clogging up landfill in 500 years to come as it is resistant to photolysis (the process of breaking down materials by protons originating from a source of light). Styrofoam is also the main component of marine debris and as a coffee/tea connoisseur you shouldn't be drinking from that cheap and nasty material anyway.
  
  
• The usage of paper globally has increased by 400% in the last 40 years. That equates to 4 billion trees culled for paper industries for every continent.
  
  
• It takes 98 tonnes of resources to make just 1 tonne of paper, which is mainly made from virgin pulp.
  
  
• Half of the plastic used in the world today is for single use items.
  

So after reviewing these statistics, will you be using a reusable cup? It's worth considering and makes you feel a tiny bit better about your filthy morning drug habit.

The War on Consumer Stupidity

Now that I've neatly hopped over my first quarter of a century, I've got permission to be old. This means telling today's youth to speak in proper English and to cover up, grumbling about how unfortunate it is to be a useless sack of organs and becoming irrationally crotchety over small things. Keeping the latter in mind, I would like to declare war on consumer stupidity. Sure we like convenience and being an evil Marketing Overlord I snuggle filthy Capitalism close to my bosom every day, but can we stop and use some logic for once? Here are some of the worst offenders:

• Avocado related Faff: Things that fall under this category include the annoying Brand Power Lady spruiked AvoFresh and the Avocado Slicer. Please stop, the Avocado comes naturally packaged, it's just as quick to prepare it with a knife, contains no hidden nasties and at the risk of sounding like a smelly hippy. In Australia alone, we throw away more than one million tonnes of plastic waste a year. Keep walking, don't look.
  


• Milk Carton Holder: Having friends or trying to impress that special someone in your humble share house abode? Need to add that touch of depression era chic, well you need the Milk Carton Holder! But seriously, unless you are disabled, how difficult is it to pick up a carton?
  


• Slicing Dicing Paraphernalia: Want to spend more time cleaning? Choose from any one of these: Garlic Zoom (yes you have to peel the cloves before you dice them), the Herb Mill or Pizza Scissors.
  
  
• Eggcitement: Ensure those slippery little suckers don't get the better of you by using the Ez Cracker and then cooking them in the Egg Cuber!
  
  
• Perfect Soldiers: It must have been a boring year when this tool won the 2005 British Invention Show Gold Medal.
  
  
• Hot Dog Pop Up Toaster: Only in America.
  
  
• Kiwi Guard: A unique way to protect and enjoy your single precious daily Kiwi fruit. It even comes with a colour coordinated spoon! Noice!
  

An open address to Queen Elizabeth II

Your Majesty,

I hope this letter finds you in good health and high spirits. I would like to congratulate you in advance on the upcoming Diamond Jubilee which will mark the 60th anniversary of your accession to the throne of several countries (2012).

One of the books residing on my bookshelf is Eating with Emperors by Jake Smith and he claims that Queen Mary, paramour of King George V, introduced a system for daily communication with the Royal Chef. This red leather bound book allows the Royal Chef to make menu suggestions and the Ruler to make amendments and any feedback necessary. The book further claims that you still uphold this fine tradition.

If I may be so bold your Majesty, I would like to table a suggestion to ensure you reach your much anticipated milestone as a fully prepared and complete individual. I think it is absolutely marvelous that you are a skilled enough to hunter to provide fresh pheasants for your own table (this is especially useful in a zombie apocalypse), an accomplished rider and patron to hundreds of charities ... but I don't think you have lived until you understand the joy of licking the remnants out of a bowl of uncooked cake batter.

There is nothing as delicious as making a cake and then fighting with your partner or sibling for the bowl or beaters. My favourite uncooked cake batter happens to be chocolate cake and I highly recommend using the full length of your index finger to scrap the circumference of the bowl. For a really clean job and to maximise the job, then a rubber or silicone spatula is the tool of choice. But if you happen to only receive the beaters, then you need to ensure that you switch off the power and remove them from the mix master. Take the beater and ensure you guide your tongue along each plane. Please note you will look silly, you may get batter on your face so I would recommend dismissing all commoners and servants. This activity should also be shared with a loved one who has a great sense of humour. Though Prince Harry looks like a hoot, I would perhaps opt for Prince Philip as there would be a more even match in strength, thus you may be able to capture the lion's share in this noble Australian past time. I do appreciate your majesty's consideration in this matter.

I have the honour to be, Madam, Your Majesty's humble and obedient subject,
Joanna

A Meaty Situation

During the working week my alarm sounds at 4:50am and in a bid to wake up I peruse the news bleary eyed. This morning stumbled across this article on News.com.au announcing that Dutch Scientists are less than a year away from beginning the first human trials of beef mince grown from 10,000 cattle stem cells. The product 'Vitro Meat' can be grown in 12 months and is designed to tackle the impending food shortage as the human population swells over the next three decades. Though the product would eliminate the need for animal slaughter, Scientists have admitted the product is not particular appetising as it is grey and has a similar texture to calamari.

So this has brought forth a number of philosophical questions and I would love to know everyone else's thoughts:

• Should we be eating meat?
  Believe me I love nothing more than a well marbled, rare steak with some creamy mushroom sauce but we're constantly told a number of conflicting things. "Eat more red meat." "Your portion of red meat should only be the size of your palm." Consume red meat three to four times a week." "Consumption of meat is linked to Cancer." "If you skimp on meat you'll miss out on iron, iodine and vitamin B12." The list goes on and add on top of that all the ethical issues like the humane slaughter of animals and the impact on the planet. My view is human beings are designed to be omnivores so if you happy to continue to eat meat e.g. you don't have ethical or dietary dilemmas then you ought to include meat sparingly. I'm sure our starving caveman ancestors would approve.
  


• Are we playing God?
  Maybe I've missed something I thought we getting back to basics, you know, brown peasant bread and attaching buzz words like organic to branding. Though I'm not terribly keen on the lifestyle choices of the stereotypical smelly hippy, I do like the idea of keeping poultry, growing an edible garden, recycling and composing. I also don't really like the idea of Vitro meat as I am not sure what kind of nutrition a bunch of stem cells will impart. I've held many corridor discussions over the last week and Carmen of Awesome brought up the point that apart from food tasting really good, we need it to live. If we can't decide what is the optimal diet for humanity, then how can we create Vitro meat? I know we love progress and we need to explore but honestly I'm not comfortable.
  


• How old is your meat?
  When you clone an animal, the donor material carries a genetic age. Does this apply with stem cells? How will brand our meat? Will stem cell meat be able to sold as lamb, hogget and mutton?
  


• Can we make it tasty?
  The article states, "even if the initial results do not taste quite the same as proper meat, scientists are convinced the public will soon get used to it." Get used it? I'm not really use I want to consume grey beef with the texture of calamari. But as foodies, it is our job to try to think of a way to make this thing palatable. All I could think was to solve the situation by making a pie or coating it in panko and deep frying (my solution to most of the world's problems). I would love to hear your thoughts on Vitro Meat and how you would sell it.

Patty Cakes vs Cup Cakes

A couple of colleagues and I were chatting away about how adorable the Australia's Biggest Morning Tea Cupcakes were, when our Head of Programs and Research strolled in. She said that she objected to the name cupcakes as it was Americanised and claimed they ought to be called patty cakes. This has got me thinking as I call the liners 'patty pans' and differentiate between a patty cake and a cup cake based on size and style. What do you call your single serve cakes? Where do you draw the line? Discuss.

She's Got Issues

As my co-workers can tell you, I have number of quirks and one involves the problem of assigning emotion to food. My latest challenges include the disturbing suicidal Cadbury Creme Egg Advertisements (please call Lifeline and get help Creme Eggs, please don't waste your life! I know there are people who love you and wait every year for you, I know my brother does) and the Arnott's Teddy Bear.

What could be so disturbing about a waving Teddy Bear biscuit you ask? Well have you ever seen them caged in a clear biscuit jar, with their little paw raised, desperately asking to be released? They watch every single staff member come into the kitchen, never knowing when the will be separated from their pack and munched up. Unfortunately you can't free them as they would be a waste of food, but I instead recommend shielding the Teddy Bears from their impending doom by facing them towards the wall. Be humane, be kind and perhaps somewhat silly as life is just too short. It is for the Teddies :(

Eating with Emperors

For Chinese New Year I was gifted with a lovely voucher book voucher from Richard (Yena's twin) and with the announcement of Borders being placed in receivership, I decided to get a move on and make a few purchases. One of the books I purchased was 'Eating with Emperors' by Jake Smith. As you can see it is beautifully presented and features both illustrations, photographs, menus, recipes and insider accounts to take your into the world of the nobility.

I found the process of preparing a whole wild boar's head for Queen Victoria's table fascinating. Can you imagine having the luxury of using two to three black truffles? Truffles can cost up $3,500 a kilo and with each truffle weighing on average between 30 - 60 grams that could easily equate to $210 a piece! The other thing that amused me was the numerous mentions of aspic. As a child I found tins of cat food with the label 'Pilchards in Aspic' hilarious (use your imagination). Aspic is jelly made from meat stock and its inclusion in royal cuisine is credited to french chef Antonin Carême. It is notoriously difficult to make and I'm happy to continue to avoid it least I lapse into a fit of giggling. I'm still chewing my way through this book but it's a delight and a must read for the historical foodie!

Halal, Kosher and Vegan but will eat Seafood?

In one of my previous lives I worked as an Event Planner and special dietary requests have always been a source of intrigue. You get the standard Vegetarian, Gluten Free, Halal, Kosher but occasionally mind boggling statements such as, "Vegan but will eat Seafood." Lately there been a growing media focus on the increasing usage of Halal food and its alleged impact on Australian Culture. So I thought it would be timely to write about special dietary requests. Please note I'm not a Nutritionist and my views are crafted from secondary research, I'm just an average Jo who blogs (I've always wanted to use that).

• Dairy Free: Is the practise of avoiding of diary products due to the inability to digest lactose (milk sugar) in the small intestine. Being diary free used to mean no milk, butter, cheese and the elimination of number of delicious baked goods, but now there are a number of delicious products to assist, so all it requires is some discipline. Which I have close to zero, so I'm constantly in awe of my cousin Yens who is gluten and dairy free but continues to bake for family and friends - how can you not lick the spoon?
  
  
• Gluten Free: Is a diet that completely avoids gluten, a protein found in wheat (including kamut and spelt), barley, rye and malts. Suffers of Celiac Disease are often prescribed a Gluten Free diet to manage their symptoms but it can be difficult to adhere to due to cross contamination and gluten being used as a food additive to flavour, stabilise or thicken food. As a food additive it is often listed under the terms - maltodextrine, dextrine or dextrose. Suitable grains and starches for individuals on a Gluten Free diet include corn, potatoes, rice, and tapioca, amaranth, arrowroot, millet, montina, lupin, quinoa, sorghum, taro, teff, chia seed, and yam. Various types of bean, soybean, and nut flours are sometimes used in gluten-free products to add protein and dietary fiber.
  
  
• Halal: means "lawful" or "religiously appropriate" and like Kosher Food pork is considered unclean. However there is a number of differences between Kosher and Halal and they are:
  
  
• The animal is slaughter with a singular incision across the neck, cutting through the windpipe, food pipe, jugular, and carotid arteries of both sides, but leaving the spinal cord intact. The name of Allah has to be invoked individually on each animal to be slaughtered. I suspect this is where a number of individuals are getting hot and bothered around Australia. I personally don't mind object if my food is dedicated to Allah nor do I believe it erodes the fabric of Australian culture. Australian culture has always been a moving fest as long as we aren't harming anyone, I'm a happy scamp.
  
  
• The meat of rabbit and shell fish are permissible in Halal. However all alcohol is banned.
  
  
• Kosher: is a word derived from a Hebrew term "kashrus" and means suitable or pure. The term kosher has other applications but we're talking about food, so in a nutshell Kosher means the following:
  
  
• The consumption of animals that both chew cud and have cloven hooves e.g. the pig does not chew cud nor have cloven hooves and the camel chews cud but does not have cloven hooves. The animal must be slaughtered humanely as Jewish law prohibits causing pain to animals.
  
  
• Birds are generally considered Kosher with the exception of the eagle, owl, swan, pelican, vulture, and stork - this also includes their young and eggs. Eggs of kosher birds are allowed as long as they do not contain blood.
  
  
• Prohibition of combining meat and milk. In strict Jewish households even the utilises used to prepare meat and diary are separated, however rumour has it there is a loophole with fish (note it must have fins and scales, shellfish are exempt) and this is what has given rise to the popular smoked salmon, cream cheese bagel combination.
  
  
• All products that grow in the soil or on plants, bushes, or trees are kosher. But bear in mind insects are definitely not Kosher. Just another reason why we shouldn't eat them.
  
  
• Gelatin, casein, and bull blood are unable to be used in the kosher wine-making process. All devices and utensils used for the harvest or the processing of the grapes must be cleansed under supervision and bottles may not be filled multiple times
  
  
• Vegan: True Vegans are individuals who refrain from using and consuming animal flesh and items produced from animals e.g. leather, silk and wool. Vegans believe their practice is compassionate but I strongly dislike any advocacy that forces the practice of Veganism onto animals, especially cats which are true carnivores.
  
  
• Vegetarians: are individuals who refrain from meat and follow a diet comprising of fruit, vegetables, grains, nuts and seeds. The practice of Vegetarianism is extremely diverse with some Vegetarians excluding dairy products, eggs and by-products of animal slaughter such as animal derived rennet and gelatin. There are also a number of individuals who follow a Semi-Vegetarian Diet that allows for the inclusion of poultry and seafood.
  

Flock It

If you have popped around my place you will know we have a lovely flock of Muscovy Ducks and Chickens that reside in the backyard. They live in the large pen but are released regularly to fossick, which is a lovely sight to behold as they scurry out in delight, tails wagging. The flock isn't just a pretty sight, they also lay eggs with brightly coloured yolks and a nice thick shell. Mum loves to salt the duck eggs for a traditional bamboo leaf wrapped parcel containing glutinous rice, bean, pork and eggs.

Could this be the chicken equivalent of photo bombing? Fanta has always had a lot of personality.

I've never been a tree hugger but on the occasion we have to buy eggs I have a inclination towards free range. Though you can never be exactly certain how these eggs are raised, you always hope the bird that egg came from was given a space larger than A4 piece of paper and was allowed to keep its beak and offered the opportunity to scratch, flap and socialise.

PLT (Precious Little Treasure), Fanta and Freedom the Greenie Activist search for grubs amongst the lawn clippings.

If you have the space, I highly recommend keeping your own flock. Poultry are cheap, great recyclers and an endless source of entertainment. I can't imagine a summer afternoon without a refreshing beverage in hand and the flock out on the lawn. The Brisbane City Council allows you a flock without a permit, however I can't be certain if this is the case in all regions so it's best to check with your local council before you embark on your own farming adventure. I highly recommend it if you have children as I hold grave fears that future generations will not know where their food comes from. Flock it now.

Closet Hippy Mum

I admit it, I'm a closet hippy Mum who dilligently subscribes her child a grain free diet. No I don't have a love child, but I do however have a lovable delinquent Border Collie named Baci who loves ... EVERYTHING! I'm almost certain that this dog thinks in caps locks.

A TRIP TO THE BEACH IN THE MINI?! MY FAVOURITE THING!
STOLEN THE NEIGHBOUR'S KIDS BALL! MY FAVOURITE THING!
FOOD! MY FAVOURITE THING!

And so the list goes on ... but why did I sign up my dog to such a diet? I believe that wild dogs rarely consume grain and the only time this occurs is when they tuck into a small portion of the stomach contents of their kill. I've considered feeding Ziwipeak, which comprises of air dried, human grade lamb or venison, free of antibiotics, but unfortunately it costs a bomb and until I'm supreme Marketing overlord of the world, unaffordable. I've also tried many other formulas including K9 Natural Freeze Dried Food, which is a great solution if you are mobile or camping, as it's feather light. You have rehydrate the food with warm water which tends to take valuable time when you are trying to dash out the door for work.

So where does this leave me? It leaves me with Artemis Fresh Mix Maximal Dog. It comes in 13.6kg bags which you can have delivered to your door. It's also a good quality kibble and Miss Baci has been happily eating it for years. However sometimes you want to give your dog something different and I used to feed the odd can of Nature's Gift, but then I found a tin of Artemis Fresh Mix in my latest delivery. It's the perfect size for a medium size dog and like the dry food, a nutritious option.

I was thinking recently if I subscribed to the same philosophy of historical eating that I really shouldn't be eating dairy as the Chinese have survived for years without it. However I like creamy french brie with a sliver of quince paste on a feather light cracker ... so it's not happening. So occasionally I still bake the odd treat for Baci and she finds her grain by stealing duck food and unceremoniously rolling in duck poo. Bless my dumb dog.