Now that I've neatly hopped over my first quarter of a century, I've got permission to be old. This means telling today's youth to speak in proper English and to cover up, grumbling about how unfortunate it is to be a useless sack of organs and becoming irrationally crotchety over small things. Keeping the latter in mind, I would like to declare war on consumer stupidity. Sure we like convenience and being an evil Marketing Overlord I snuggle filthy Capitalism close to my bosom every day, but can we stop and use some logic for once? Here are some of the worst offenders:
- Avocado related Faff: Things that fall under this category include the annoying Brand Power Lady spruiked AvoFresh and the Avocado Slicer. Please stop, the Avocado comes naturally packaged, it's just as quick to prepare it with a knife, contains no hidden nasties and at the risk of sounding like a smelly hippy. In Australia alone, we throw away more than one million tonnes of plastic waste a year. Keep walking, don't look.
- Milk Carton Holder: Having friends or trying to impress that special someone in your humble share house abode? Need to add that touch of depression era chic, well you need the Milk Carton Holder! But seriously, unless you are disabled, how difficult is it to pick up a carton?
- Slicing Dicing Paraphernalia: Want to spend more time cleaning? Choose from any one of these: Garlic Zoom (yes you have to peel the cloves before you dice them), the Herb Mill or Pizza Scissors.
- Eggcitement: Ensure those slippery little suckers don't get the better of you by using the Ez Cracker and then cooking them in the Egg Cuber!
- Perfect Soldiers: It must have been a boring year when this tool won the 2005 British Invention Show Gold Medal.
- Hot Dog Pop Up Toaster: Only in America.
- Kiwi Guard: A unique way to protect and enjoy your single precious daily Kiwi fruit. It even comes with a colour coordinated spoon! Noice!