"But look at the people who use [their potential] — who do actually give it everything ... the Beckhams or Roy Keanes of this world. People charging! Running up and down the field, swearing and shouting at each other. Are they happy? No! They're destroying themselves! Who's happy? You! The fat f**ks watching them, with a beer can balanced on your ninth belly, roaring advice at the best athletes in the world." - Dylan Moran.
While it is the social norm for Australian families to gather around a television, roaring their support or pouring their disdain on their team of choice, our family doesn't. However, it's not uncommon to find us perched on the ends of the couch, passionately shouting abuse at TV Chefs. Wandering past our living room, to hear, "Christ! Look at all that oil!" Or, "A** biscuits!" A temporary eerie silence is often a positive sign, as it means we're mentally salivating, analysing a technique or flavour combination intently. I thought I would share some of the family's recent viewing.
- Huey's Cooking Adventures
This TV show has been on the receiving end of many a grumpy tirade. We hate how a dash of oil is really a ladle full of lard, we hate his suspenders and we especially hate it when it cooks Chinese food. A notable example of this was when he decided to cook a dish with Hokkien Egg Noodles but stated he was going to call the dish "Hor Fun" (flat rice noodles) as it, "sounded much nicer." Completely unwatchable. You can learn the "truth" about Iain Hewitson here.
- Jamie's 30 Minute Meals
Don't get us wrong, we approve immensely of Jamie's approach of being a chef with a mission and encouraging the world get back into their kitchens. However, we are a tad disappointed with his latest show as even the most experienced home cook would struggle to complete the menu within the estimated time frames.
- Poh's Kitchen
I don't have the attention span or patience to follow MasterChef the entire way through, but like most of Australia tuned in towards the end and was bitterly disappointed to see Julie Goodwin claim victory. Being a crying snivelling emotional wreck pays? Eurgh! However, this hasn't stopped the rise of Poh and we love the Poh's Kitchen format. I think it's great that she shares the space with Emmanuel Mollois as provides even more value to the viewers. However I wish she would show a little more of her adorable Scotty, Zed.
- Home Cooked! With Julie Goodwin
Though we feel the scope of Julie's cooking is more limited, this show is surprisingly pleasant viewing. Achievable food, a modern music selection and no crying!
- Boy's Weekend
Gary Mehigan, Adrian Richardson, Miguel Maestre and Manu Feildel get away for a weekend and cook great food. Cheeky banter, good food and picturesque landscapes = yes!
- Heston's Fests
Heston Blumenthal is one of my brother's inspirations. He is completely mad, his recipes are unachievable in a home kitchen ... but still there is something so intriguing about his creations. I really enjoyed this series as it rolls history, human reactions and cooking into a neat half hour serving.
- Kylie Kwong's My China
We strongly advise avoiding Kylie Kwong's My China series like the plauge. Every recipe involves a bucket of sauce and her pronunciation is just horrid. My advice to Kylie, if you can't say Longan, just say Dragon Eyes.
- Floyd's Fjord Fiesta
Keith Floyd left the world of the living in 2009 but he did it in the style - with a glass of wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I abhor his cooking but again my brother really likes him, possibly due to his shambolic presentation style. Not essential viewing.
- The Free Range Cook
I haven't had the pleasure to watch much of Annabel Langbein's new series but I do know I love her enthusiasm for home grown food and simple, tasty recipes. I must investigate her latest cookbook.
But the TV show I am most excited about this year is Adriano Zumbo's new show Zumbo. The show will air at 7:30pm on SBS, February 10, 2011 and I just can't wait as Adriano is one of my culinary heros. His passion and genius make him so swoon worthy! Point is, I'll be watching it and so should you.
My brother Michael very kindly gifted me with Annabel Langbein's 'The Free Range Cook' for Christmas and since its arrival I haven't stopped recreating recipes from it. This Mixed Berry Crumble Cake is divine and to begin you need to make the crumble mixture (note it will make a bulk amount so if you are planning to just make it for the cake I would recommend cutting the quantities by two thirds). Place 2 cups of plain flour, 1 cup of ground almonds, 1 1/2 cups brown sugar, 2 cups rolled oats, 1 cup of slivered almonds, 2 teaspoons of mixed spice in a bowl and stir. Combine with 250 grams of melted butter. 
Preheat your oven to 180°C, line and grease the sides of a 23cm springform cake tin. The beat 140 grams of softened butter and 1 cup of sugar until the mixture is pale and fluffy. 
Then add 2 room temperature eggs, 1 teaspoon of vanilla and 3/4 cup of plain yoghurt to the cream mixture. 
Then add 2 cups of plain flour, 3 teaspoons of baking powder and 1/2 a teaspoon of baking soda. You will note the mixture is quite thick but don't be alarmed. 
Smooth the batter into your baking tin, sprinkle with 2 cups of frozen mixed berries and the layer over 1 1/2 cups of crumble topping. Bake in the oven for an hour or until the cake is golden and a skewer inserted into the centre comes out clean. 
Allow the cake to stand for at least 15 minutes before you remove it from the tin. Then greet and enjoy this piece of beauty. 